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The Stigmata

I got the stigmata from assembling a pine cabinet with a multi-tool.  The small stupid scissors kept popping out and I kept screwing, you know, ratcheting, and now I'm being mistaken for the very devout.  I'd take a picture, but all the pictures turn out as portraits of the Virgin Mary smiling.  Now when I wave at Father Fred, while we're both in line at Mr. Sub, his eyes go like dinner plates, and he crosses himself, and he runs out of the store without regard to his Mr. Sub.  He thinks I am a direct conduit with God, well guess what, I am, and if you're reading this, Father Fred, enjoy your time in hell!!!

Just joking!  The only person I'd send to hell is Roy E. Beaver.  He was the one who would always give me swirlies whilst singing, "God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman".  Now whenever I hear that song at Christmas time I get the urge to scream and take a shower.  Not that merry at all is it ye gentlemen. 

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