Possums

I went to the park last night to try and catch a possum. I brought an orange with me to try and trap the little devils, but they turned the tables and managed to tie me to a tree by the toes. Not only was it painful, but embarassing too.

When the sun came up in the morning a bus load of tourists were already out and about and they wanted their picture taken with me. My voice was hoarse from screaming, so with the little energy I had left I smiled for the cameras. They seemed to appreciate the gesture and put quarters in my pockets. They fell out, though, and the possums took those too.

If only my dog Biff was around the possums would be done for, but I sold him to the chinese man at the hotdog stall a number of days ago. My only hope left was to try gnawing off my toes with my teeth.

 Oh, believe me, I know it'd be painful, but there was no other choice, it was either that, or death... or waiting for someone to get me, but I have things to do and can't be bothered.

It only took an hour or so to gnaw the lil' devils off -it helped to be hungry. I went back home and bandaged my feet and had a bath.