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Melons are the Best

I was out grocery shopping with mom the other day, and outside, on display were the watermelons. I wanted one so bad.

"Hey," I said, "Why don't we get a watermelon!?"

And she said, "No. No we won't be getting a watermelon." She shook her finger while saying so.

She always does that. She always says no without reason.

"Why not!?" I felt like shouting, but I knew that would lead nowhere. If she said no, she means it, for whatever reason, even if the only reason is to quell my maddening excitement.

I don't know how many times she's said no. It's getting me crazy. What's wrong with watermelon? They are the best of melons, so red and juicy. How can you go wrong with water anything in the title? Except for maybe watersocks, but don't eat those, just don't.

Well, there were the watermelons, I couldn't help myself. I picked one up and as she turned her big ol' back; as she slumped away thinking about which ketchup to buy, and how many pickles she will need, I picked one up and threw it at her noggin. Kabam! The melon split on her melon. It drew a crowd -- juice and melon fragments everywhere! She did a stutter step then sprawled to the ground letting out a shriek. Some brightly dressed Indians came rushing to the help, and at the same time admonished me for doing such a thing.

I had no choice but to steal a melon and run. I've been on the run ever since, and melons have never tasted so sweet.

8 comments:

dogimo said...

This is like, coming up to Flannery O'Connor territory here, pal. This is good stuff.

All that's missing is the persistent action of grace. But you know what, a lot of people felt she was shoe-horning that in there where it didn't necessarily belong anyway.

John Dantzer said...

Thanks. I'll have to find out who Flannery O'Connor is. If he is anything like Flann O'Brien, then my ego is in for a delectable treat.

dogimo said...

Flannery O'Connor is to date my favorite short story writer - she was born Mary Flannery O'Connor, but decided to drop the Mary for her nom de.

She has a couple novels too, but most people say the short stories were her best. "A Good Man Is Hard to Find" is a heck of a collection, hard to beat.

John Dantzer said...

ok. I'll check that out.

Holly the Powpow said...

watermelons are great

John Dantzer said...

Oh hi Dogimo, I started reading the collected works of Flannery O'Connor. She is a great writer! Her short stories are amazing, but ther novel wise blood is one of my favorite novels now. It is so weird! Have you read it?

dogimo said...

I love Wise Blood! Hazel Motes is the coolest. I mean. Hm. Hard to put it. He's like my role model of people I don't want to be like?

I mean, he's kind of nuts, but he's sure got soul. It's a beautiful book with roots in the wormy dirt, and a reach to the top of the sky's dimly lit dome. Love it. Love the book; love O'Connor.

Now her other novel is also good (The Violent Bear It Away), and very much worth reading, but for me it is not nearly as good as Wise Blood.

John Dantzer said...

Yeah, being a preacher would be tough. You'd have to have something. I like Enoch and the monkey suit chapter.
I just started reading the Violent Bear it Away, Not as good a s Wise Blood for sure. And it reminds me of the short story she wrote where the grandfather took his grandson into town to show him evil.