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In the Sauna

There is a White Bald Man in the sauna. He sits naked, cross legged, chewing his fingers. He looks worried.

I've been to Meditation Camps and have seen White Bald Men there, but never have I seen them worried, nor chewing their fingers. Mind You, we don't sit around naked meditating. If so, that would be a distraction, especially with the ladies to our right. And we don't sit in 40 degree heat. We sit with blankets wrapped around our shoulders, with one arm out and with that hand open. The vibrations are calm and soothing there.

The naked man, though, has one hand covering his knee, and the other his mouth. I sit in my chicken suit. Could that be it? Could it be my chicken suit that causes his worries?

Just to test the waters, I start gobbling. Just a little bit. Naked Bald Man doesn't lift an eyebrow.

Maybe it's the Asian Man to his Right, dressed in last seasons Versace evening gown. Is it him causing worry? Just to test the waters a bit, Asian Man shows a bit of leg. He just moves the gown a bit and shows more leg. Naked Bald Man doesn't seem to care.

With the heat coming on, and me running out of water, I ask him: "Hey there, what's the worry?"

Naked Bald Man replies: "My kid just texted me. My house is on fire."

Naked Bald Man goes back to worrying.

House on fire is cause for worry.

I'd like to make light of the situation by asking if I could check my reflection in the top of his head, but decide not to. Although my house has never been on fire, I can imagine the severity of the situation. His kids are inside, and maybe... His Cats!

"Maybe you should go see if you can help," I suggest.

Naked Bald Man looks at me indignantly.

And then I realize. Naked Bald Man is speaking figuratively. What's really on fire is his crotch. Either from the sauna, or from the syphilis.

Not knowing for sure, I take my chances. "Nothing a little medication won't help." And I laugh, hoping he laughs in return. But he only spits on the rocks being heated by the elements.

Not one for joking, this Naked Bald Man.

The heat, though, has taken it's toll.

It's a game we play to see who can stay in the longest. Naked Bald Man, without any water, will surely leave first. He's been in twice now, after showering. His fluids must be running dry. He can't be a lizard.... Or Can He? 

I look again at the worry in his eyes, and the rabid chewing of fingers. His house is on fire. Maybe he's referring to his soul. Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe he thrives on soul-fire.   

I feel myself getting giddy. 

To quell my increasing uneasiness and to hear the sound of my voice I ask him: "Hey there. How about some cupcakes?"

Naked Bald Man pays no attention. To him I'm just another crazy in a chicken costume out on a Sauna Jaunt.

Despite my better judgement, I pour the remaining of my water on his Stupid Bald Head. My urge to Poke Him In The Eye has not subsided.

I will leave.  Naked Bald Man has won another round.


Miss Ash said...

This is absurd.

I love the absurd.

vimal said...

that was fun :-)

sybil law said...

Maybe he LIT the house on fire. And is now regretting it, or worried that he'll be caught.
But the Asian dude would've freaked me out.

John Dantzer said...

Miss Ash - You know the way into my heart.

Pure - yes.

sybil - Maybe you're right. He seemed like the type to do that.