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I Am Mickey Mouse

It's cold out.

Native woman on the bus.  Trying to get on.

"I've got a Mickey Mouse costume in my bag," the native woman says.  She swirls a bit.  Has troubles keeping her balance.  She shows the bus driver her costume.

"No, you have a mickey in your bag.  you're not allowed to drink on the bus, but since it's so cold out, I'll give you another chance.  If I see you do it again, I'm gonna have to ask you to get off the bus," the bus driver says.

"I wasn't drinkin'!"  She replies.

"Yes you were.  I saw it in the mirror, and the camera saw you.  And if I see it again, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."

"I wasn't drinkin'!! I was planin'!  I'm Mickey Mouse!!! I AM!!!"

"You're not Mickey Mouse."

"I am so!  Just listen to my voice!" She raises her voice a few octaves to impersonate Mickey. The bus driver won't stand for it.  He has a schedule to keep.

"Take your seat ma'am.  If I see you drinking out of the mickey, I'll have to ask you leave."

"How can I drink out of myself!"

The bus driver responds by gunning it.  Unfortunately, it's so icy, all that gunning succeeds only in spinning the tires.  So he takes off like he normally does, slowly and steadily.

The native woman doesn't drink again, but every time she gets drunk, she'll swear to God, and to anyone that listens, that she is in fact Mickey Mouse. 


Anonymous said...

That poor bus driver. If cops can have weapons, so should they. It would make for a much more pleasant ride. Or a psychotic one. Or a deadly one. Or a quiet and non-eventful one.

John Dantzer said...

I think it would be on average a more psychotic ride if the bus driver's carried guns. Soon the bus driver's would have to undergo military training. Soon the bus drivers would start their own militia and basically take over the world. If I was a bus driver, I'd carry a blow tube and poisonous darts.