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Grey Cup Parade

The car has troubles starting it's so cold.  I've got to wear two pairs of pants it's so cold.  My toes go numb, my fingers go numb, beer explodes in the car because it's so cold outside.  Three jackets on, and skedaddling, mornings are the worst.  If you don't warm up your car, then you can't see out of the windows because the glass is frosted over.  People skedaddle, this way and that, trying not to fall on the street. Because of the ice, pipes are freezing, faces freeze off and are stomped on.  Fingers freeze and fall off and are stomped on.  PERFECT TIME FOR FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I saw the Grey Cup parade go by.  The Mounties stomping their feet so that they don't freeze and fall off, and won't get stomped themselves.  Stomping fingers, faces.  Then trucks, big ones advertising the grocery store.  Everyone is freezing, watching the ads go by.  Then horses, frost on their hides.  I wish I had a thick hide, and had hooves, so that I wouldn't have to stomp as much, and if I did it would make a clopping sound.  You ever hear clopping behind you, late at night in a dark alleyway, then turn around only to see the steam rising from the manhole?  That was me. 

So cold.  Some kid was handing out candy canes.  I got two.  I didn't even want any.  Then more trucks went by, and they smell like fumes, and they're blowing on their horns.  Everyone not in the parade is just standing there, trying to survive without freezing to death, stomping their feet, stomping frozen limbs.  There are cheerleaders in parkas, marching bands whose mouths are frozen to their instruments.  And everyone watching is just as sad as can be, trying not to die there, showing their support.

The parade ends with the Grey Cup being pulled by horses in a wagon.  Everyone wants to touch the cup and drink out of it and take it back to their apartment.  I don't have my camera, I left it in Alberta. 


JMH said...

We are definitely better people for living at higher altitudes, you more than me.

jon said...

Latitudes, I mean, but not really.

John Dantzer said...

That's why Santa is such a great man. And that's why penguins are so evil.