Online Portfolio

Greta and the Snow Creatures

I've always been afraid of fish. I imagine them flopping around on my face, or violently attacking me while swimming. To face these fears I got a fish tank thereby trapping them. Now I can poke them in the eyes.

I keep the tank in the basement, rather, the sub-basement. It's more dark and more dank than an ordinary basement. They like it down there. I've paid a man to keep it, his name is Dave; he's slowly losing his vision. He always wants me to help him clean the tanks, so I tell him that's what he's for. He gets angry. I decided to help him today, and after it was finished I looked into one of the fishes mouths. It was a big fish, and a big mouth. It was the kind of place I could really curl up in. Just like Moby Dick.

Well, by and by, the fish ate me. I gave him a run for his money, but I guess he was just too hungry. I decided to kill Dave on my way down to darkness. I wouldn't, of course - just slap him around a little. Anyway, down there, in his stomach, there were plenty of books to read (for reasons I will not go into). I found one and picked it up and read it.

It was about a girl who lived with her parents in a log cabin in a meadow. The cabin was surrounded by mountains. In the summer the girl chased butterflies and what not and made friends with the deer (the deer were almost always high). But the winter time was a different story altogether. It became quite dire, what with the snow and seclusion and coldness. Her father took to drink and honestly believed that the spirit of the bear entered him and so went into hibernation waking up sometimes to growl and lumber about only before going back to bed for weeks on end. Greta's mother, Gertrude, was a master puppet maker and she built puppets very intensely all day long only to stop for tea and dinner. When not making puppets she would eye Greta with the same intensity she gave her puppets. Who knew what she was thinking, but I imagined Gertrude thought Greta was a puppet of some sort. Greta thought the same, so she clapped her hands and splashed her father's whiskey into her mom's  face and into the fire. That would rouse her from her gaze. Greta, the poor girl, spent her time dancing the chicken dance and sewing. But how much sewing can a girl do!? Needless to say, she got restless, and every winter took to taking jaunts through the snowy meadow.

On one such jaunt, while trudging through the snow towards the highest mountain in view (The Plainjam) with the resolve to climb it, she came across a bunny shaped piece of candy.

"Mmmmmmm...." Candy in any shape (except that of the devil) was good. So she ate it. It sure beat the rye bread she'd been eating for the past two months. It wasn't only the taste, but something else inside that brought her into a state of euphoria. Finally she could understand the snow creatures language. And she spoke it. It wasn't long before the elusive snow creatures showed up, them with their long noses and delicate smiles. Greta smiled at them. They smiled back. Then, one of them licked his lips and approached with what Greta was too much ardour. She knocked him on the head.

"Shame on you!" She cried. It was clear by the look in their eyes that they wanted her as a snack.  So Greta took to running. The little ones that followed her, however, didn't sink as much in the snow and could easily beat her at any foot race in the snow. The wee men had all the time in the world. Greta had no idea where she was going, fortunately for her, her intuition led her to a cave. The snow creatures knew the cave, and were disappointed in the direction Greta was going, because the cave was no place for creatures of snow, where there wasn't any. She reached the cave and noticed they stopped following her, but made calls from the outside of it.

"A big cave," she observed. "I wonder where it leads?" She could tell it went further into the darkness. So, seeing as how the creatures were at the mouth of the cave she went further in. Further and further she went into darkness. She must have walked for hours in the cave, slowly feeling her way forward. Feeling quite lost and dissolute, she was about ready to give up when a light appeared. It was faint at first, but then grew brighter. She marched on with renewed determination. The bright was getting lighter indeed, so light one could read under it. Behind some stalagmites she saw it's source: A torch. And underneath the torch, was no other than me.

"What are you doing in here?" She asked me. It was weird because what she said appeared in the book.

"I've been eaten by a fish." I said, and noticed that these lines also appeared in the book.

"That's impossible. This is a cave." She replied. I knew what she was going to say because it was in the book, and instead of thinking what to say I merely read the lines in the book:

"No, you're stupid. We're both in a fish." I laughed at what I said, because I called her stupid, which I wouldn't have done in ordinary life, but apparently it was fine because it was in the book. I read what she was going to say, then I heard it:

"No, you're stupid, and I am going to kill you and eat you, because I'm hungry."

"Piss off!" I read. I continued reading to see what would happen next.

It turns out neither of us was right. And in fact I was in the throes of ether on the carpet of my house. Damn ether, always getting the better of me.

No comments: