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Fritz Fritz

Fatty man eats many bread.  Fatty fat man eats many bread.

"I eat bread!"  He shouts outside of his house, but people have troubles hearing him because his mouth is full of bread.  But they don't care what he's shouting cause he has all the bread, and doesn't like sharing.

"Mom, Fatty-Fat-Man is shouting again, and it looks like he's trying to prance."

"Never mind him, Fritz, and drink your potato peelings tea," Fritz's mom replies.

He's trying to prance indeed, but because his girth is so big it throws him off his center of gravity, and off he goes spinning, like a wayward moon.

"Mom, now Fatty-Fat is trying to start a fire in his yard."

"Never mind him, Fritz.  It's his big fat yard.  He can do what he wants.  Now eat your ant and pine needle soup."

"The ants bite my throat as they go down," Fritz complains.

"That's where all the protein is, son," Fritz's dad manages to utter.  He's getting blind drunk off home made potato vodka.  Soon he'll start shouting himself, but not at Fatty-Fat-Man, he'll never do that again.

Fatty-Fat huffs and puffs and manages to start a fire.  He'll feed it with the finest woods, woods the Fritz's could use to make furnitures, (if they had the proper tools... and nails.)

"It must be a new moon, with celebrating like that.  What an oddo that man is," Fritz's mom says.

"I'll give you a new moon!" Fritz's dad shouts, and slams his fist on the piece of sheet metal that acts as a table.  If the Fritz's had dishes, they would go crashing down.  They drink their soup out of cupped hands.

Fritz's mom considers pouring scalding water all over her husbands stupid bald head, but that would be a waste of water, and the fuel that went into heating it.  Soon he'll be passed out, anyway.

"Maybe I'll go over to Fatty-Fat's and give him another reason to celebrate," she thinks.

Last time she did that she walked away with a pack of cookies and a barrel of chicken.  And the only harm done, besides that done to her dignity, was almost suffocating under his rolls and rolls of fat.  It took him fifteen minutes to find his wanger, and when he did, it was all wormy.

"Looks like you'll be having sausage for dinner tonight, lady," Fatty-Fat said and laughed, which sounded more like a gurgle.

"Having a worm, more like it," Fritz's mom replied, but Fatty-Fat didn't hear because his ears were clogged with bacon grease.

"Helps me think," he said when Fritz's mom asked him about it. She held herself back from licking his ear holes.

"Mom," Fritz says, interrupting her from her flashback.  "Fatty-Fat's house is on fire!"

"Quick Fritz!  Now is your chance.  Don't mind the flames, run in there, and try and get us a loaf!"  Fritz's mom yells, her eyes full of hysteria.

Fritz does as he is told, but succeeds only in grabbing a blind hairless mole.

After getting rid of her initial disgust and fear, Fritz's mom makes a pretty good meal out of it.

Fatty-Fat just builds a new house, but bigger this time.

The Fritz's have taken an unhealthy liking to blind hairless moles.

4 comments:

Gabriel Sigma said...

I'm not exactly sure what this was about but my brain feels like a ball of yarn. That's actually cool thing to accomplish. I'll read this again tomorrow.

John Dantzer said...

Thanks, man. I think I know what you mean. Is it a comment on capitalism? Or a personal exploit. Who knows.

JMH said...

I'd love to hear a Marxist scholar analyze this. Of course, sitting in the lecture hall, or the auditorium or whatever, I'd probably be just looking around trying to figure out who has weed (EVERYONE BUT ME!).

John Dantzer said...

JMH - That sounds like a kind of reverse paranoia.