Bear Thugs

We took the slow way around. The sun had hidden behind the cliffs. There was a group of bikers peddling up the hill. I hit one by mistake and the Meg beside me yelled: twenty points! And we laughed and passed the bottle around. We were headed to Seattle to see the White Stripes. It was Meg's favorite band and she wanted her boobs signed.  If it wasn't for the bear on the trail that calm spring night we might have made it.

The bear had a gun and it wanted jerky. Unfortunately, I had left all my jerky at home, so I threw the bear my shoe hoping to fool him, but he wasn't as stupid as he looked. He threw the shoe back, but threw it back with a grenade inside. We just managed to escape and the Porsche was blown to smithereens. Meg got shrapnel in her eye and lay in the ditch screaming. The bear approached and behind him: another, but that one had a knife in it's mouth.

Goddamnit, I cursed. Have you no shame! But they knew not shame. Just this morning the gun bear was eating ants. I contemplated leaving Meg in the ditch and running like, but I knew better- only Meg knew the combination to the safe.

Just then, from up the road, a Jamaican on a bicycle came riding by. There was a spliff in his mouth and a glazed look in his eyes. A Jamaican? In these parts? It was my good luck. Thinking quickly I stuffed the hamburger I had been saving into the man's bag, but the bears didn't take the bait, and I was out a hamburger. Meg was shrieking, I was skitzing. Damn you furry bears! Take to the woods! We havn't got any money!

But I knew it wasn't money they wanted, no, it was the creamy sumptuousness that was MEg's legs. Meg's legs: sounds like something you could buy in a convenience store -a convenience store for bears! Bears taking over the world! NOOOOOO! I yelled and got to my knees and shouted all the more. NOOOO! I was too busy with screaming and cursing to realize they had grabbed Meg and eaten her legs...

I took to running.

It was the Jamaican who found me and calmed me down with the jamba weed. The police said I suffered from a stroke, but I knew what I suffered from: a broken heart... And a loss of money.
I told her parents she was eaten alive by ants -to help lessen the grief.