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At the Ski Hill

I'm snowboarding.  I'm snowboarding out of bounds (It's where the best Pow is.)  Snowboarding out of bounds, I come to an area full of hard snow, ice.  The area is being shoveled by a huge machine, a Cat, with a huge shovel on it, with huge tread marks, like a tank.  I come upon it it from out of the woods.  There is no more pow, there is only destitution.  I come upon it face on, the Cat is shoveling where I plan on going.  The Cat is not purely beast, it has a human operator.  The operator, a bearded man, an angry bearded man he stops the machine. 

He yells, "Hey, Out. Of. Bounds!!!"

I supplicate myself to the beast, the man controlling the beast.  "Sorry, I was looking for the best Pow, do you understand?" 

The bearded man understands only anger and wrath.

"This is out of bounds.  Do you have a seasons pass?"

I don't.  I don't.  He has nothing to snip.

"Well," he says, from the roof of his machine, "Well, you had better get the f out of here.  You aren't supposed to be here.  I can run you over if I want to, and no one could sue me.  You get it?!!!  You Fuckin Get It!  FUCKK!!!"

He is so angry.  He is in the seat of anger.

"Yes, yes.  I get it."

So I try inching my way past his crawler.  The tires of the machine come straight for me.  The tires of the machine are this close to squishing me, but they move so slow, I could have bailed, somehow.

The driver of the machine sees me almost under his tires as he pops his head out of the roof.  Now he is really angry.  He could have killed me, for realz.  I am just under his tires, trying to escape.  And escape is mine.

The angry bearded man musters up all his anger and has the audacity to get out of his machine.  Meanwhile, gravity is helping me slowly slither my way back to whence I've came, the forest.  I'm well on my way, and he is out of his machine and onto the hard packed snow.

"HEy!!!" He yells.  "Come here!!!"  He's so angry.  "Let me fuckin snip your fuckin pass!!"

But I ain't got one.

"Hey!!" HE yells.  He just wants to kick the shit out of my ass.  But he's on his stupid feet, whilst I'm on a thing which slides.  He cannot catch up, not ever.  So I take the time to undo my snowboard pants, and my pants, and my longMes, and whip out my shlonger, and shake my shlonger at him whilst making the sound of a tribe of monkeys with my fingers in the sign of the devil at my mouth.  He can't do nothing.  Haha.  I'm sliding away, like a warrior.  I've won this battle.  He will have to squish someone else.  Haha.  


jon said...

There are very few experiences that can't be enhanced by whipping out your schlonger.

John Dantzer said...

I can't think of any, except when a strong suction is involved.