Alfred Wins Gold

Alfred the Talking Horse won gold in the Triathlon today.

He came out ahead of the rest in the swim, his powerful shanks ripping through the water.

The bike, however, was not his strong suit. He had to use an extra large bicycle because of his tendency to break them. His hoofs had difficulties grasping the handle bars, and it was impossible for him to change gears. There was much cursing on his part all through the 40km track. He finished well behind the others.

His galloping horse style paid off, though, in the run where he quickly overcame his competitors for the gold. Nearing the finish line Alfred almost trampled a few of the athletes by accident, but apologized after the race.

Some suspected Alfred of doping. His urine is still under review.

Alfred was competing for Mongolia, and his coach, Temudgin Khan could not be happier with the results. “We will no longer be eating him for dinner,” replied the jubilant Temudgin. To which Alfred responded with a swift kick to the ribs, which sent his coach flying.

Alfred is also competing in the equestrian event on Tuesday with his rider, Shnell. Alfred said he’s pumped for jumping.