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Vincente and Samantha Part One

I had installed a swing rope a while back for swinging and for such emergencies as these. Samantha, the fool, would not be able to catch me whilst swinging. SO I grabbed on and gave a swing just as I avoided a lethal swing of her knife. I laughed merrily through the air, the breeze in my hair, my escape at my fingertips. What glee! I was having so much fun on the swing across I forgot to let go and swang back to the dreaded Samantha. Who was the fool now? I asked myself as the red eyed Samantha stood frothing; waiting to slice me up like poor Kermit. But she wouldn't eat me... Or would she? I would find out.

She jabbed twice -jabs I managed to avoid- and implemented the swirling attack ever so dreaded amongst the so called "high-noon psycho rats" that she cavorts with in her "secret time". This I managed to counter act with a swift kick to the box and a flurry to the ribs.

"Take that, Samantha," I cried in jubilation. She responded with a kick to my voice box and the slicing of my ear. "You bitch!" I screamed. Luckily the rope once again followed it's physics and I was off bleeding, but safer, and with my wits about me to the trees yonder. To my dismay, by the skill of Samantha's famed knife throwing skills, the knife she wielded sliced through the rope, and I screamed, bleeding on my trajectory to the bog below.

"The bog!" I cried. The dreaded bog. Home of Bog-Man, my nemesis. He would be glad to see me, so that he could repay me for the harm I had done to his mushrooms and the incessant killing of frogs and salamanders. I landed in the thick soup and instantaneously my nerves cried and I wished for flight, but the smothering bog had me in her grips.

"Take that you bacon lacing vermin!" Samantha yelled from above. "Now you can be bog man's bitch!" And she swirled off in a puff of smoke.

"I'll get you yet, she-beast! This isn't the last of me!" I screamed, but even I didn't believe my words. Around me bubbles gurgled to the surface. It would be in my best possible interest to move as ably and capably as I could to the dreaded bog bank - it was my only hope. I would have to remain calm as the leaches grabbed hold of my legs and belly. Remain calm while the eels slithered through my legs, and while the muck and sludge of the infested bog floor seeped through my toes. Maybe Bog-Man was out to lunch. Maybe he was sleeping. But these useless hopes were ill founded - I could feel bog mans eyes on me, and like an alligator he'd wait to get me till I was almost at the bank.

Slowly, and with trepidation I made my way through the horror. Not only was it horrible on the submerged parts of my body, the bog also offended my nostrils with it's putrid stank. "Damn you, putrid stank!" I cried, not being able to control myself. If the bog man hadn't seen me till then, he saw me now, and behind me the ominous wave his body produced while travelling under water came towards me. I don't know whether I shat myself at the sight, but if I did the bog would welcome it into open arms as a brother. The wave came nearer. I was reminded of all the times I went underwater while swimming and plucked at the flailing legs of Samantha in jest. Now it was for real, and my legs were flailing.

The attack of bog man was largely forgotten by the responses of the body. I remembered the feeling of my legs being swiped from their home in the sockets and indescribable blinding pain. I blacked out after and woke up on the familiar hammock to the sight of the horrid Bog-Man and Samantha eating my own legs.

"More man-b-q sauce?" Asked Samantha to the steaming Bog-Man. To which he responded with a gurgling language of his own. The language was unclear, but his response was obvious. Bog-Man didn't like man-b-q sauce. He scowled at Samantha and threw the man-b-q sauce into the bog.

"Calm down, bog-man, it's just man-b-q sauce," Samantha said. But Bog-Man was temperamental and he started a hideous noise from his bowels. Whereupon a Bog-Thing sprung from his belly. Samantha and I looked at each other in disgust. She got up and backed away. I lowered my self onto the ground and used my arms to crawl away. Bog-Man, a proud father, decided not to eat his offspring, and throw it in the bog instead.

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