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My Apartment

New apartment.  It’s a very old one.  There are radiators for heating, but no heat comes out of them, I don’t know why.  But since the apartments are so cold, and the apartments above and below are so hot, condensation forms in big brown droplets, and when I’m sleeping, they drop on or near my head.  The walls and floors are damp.  My laundry has been hanging to dry for two days. 

Also, if I shut the door that opens onto the corridor without pushing a button on the side of the lock, I lock myself into the apartment and I can’t get out.  So I have to phone the emergency line, and a small Vietnamese man shows up in a truck, and I have to throw my keys at him out the window.   Then he explains about doorknobs and keyholes and is on his way, so I have to be wary of shutting the door in excitement and absent mindedness. 

I keep calling the “landlord” but she doesn’t answer her phone.  So I’ll just sit there at the table I bought for $140 including two captains chairs, and shiver all the time.


Anonymous said...

Drink lots of hot urine. Straight from the peehole into your mouth. Recycle!

John Dantzer said...

I'd have to have an erection, or be flexible.

Jules said...

Sounds positively dreamy