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Gumption: My Horse

The sun stands still, just like my Gumption, a horse.

"Gumption!"  I yell at it.  "Get movin!!!"  And I pick up some snow, make a snowball and throw it at him.  It hits his shank, and he stares at me sidelong, but he doesn't move. 

"How about an apple, Gumption?"  Horses love apples, but just because he will eat an apple doesn't mean he will move on.  I don't have a whip, so I smack him with my hand, but he just snarls and bares his teeth and whinnies. 

"If you don't move you will shrivel up and die," I tell him.  We both know it's a lie.  Once the snow melts Gumption can eat the grass in the park.  Horses don't need to buy groceries, and they sleep standing up, and they have no qualms about making their toilet on the ground or anywhere they want to.  Children will bring Gumption oats, and old ladies will cover him up with blankets.  He doesn't have to move at all.

MEANWHILE, I have several important dates which need Gumption's mobility.  I stand there with my hands on my hips and glare at him.  He continues to look at me sidelong.  He knows that I am dependent on him to get me places.  I cannot walk to Frenda's house.  It would be an 8 hour walk, and I could die from exposure. 

"Fine, Gumption.  Fine.  You stay there like a teeny weeny baby bitch boy, and go poo poo.  I will walk to Frenda's, and after that I will walk to Beginore's.  I don't need you, and quite frankly, you could use a shower.  Good day."  And I start walking, but the "reverse psychology" doesn't work.  The wind picks up, it sets my teeth to chittering.  I look back and see him there, now he's looking at me with both his eyes.  It looks as though he does want to take me there but is immobilized.  Horses can be very loyal. 

I can say goodbye to any fun times I might have had out there in the middle of the prairie.  Frenda has huge parties, and someone always brings brownies with all manner of drug in them.  Not this year, I guess.  I throw a final snowball at Gumption and shout at him, too.  He will spend the night eating oats.  I will spend the night eating bon bons and watching my televisions. 

Let's turn the dimmer on our hearts up to "shining" and let's let the light from our hearts shine in our eyes so that we can use our eyes as flashlights. 

1 comment:

gone said...

The last paragraph is perfect.