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Giant Frog Enemy

I'm often in difficult situations. Once I was in the mud, and was outnumbered by the enemy. The mud was also a Frog and Lizard Sanctuary. The mud played to my advantage, because like in Predator with Arnold Swartzenegger, the enemy could see no heat escape my body with their specialized heat sensing machines.

To prevent starvation, I ate some of the sanctified frogs, mostly their legs. The lizards did not sway my appetite; they merely stared at me with their shifty eyes, and licked their lips way too frequently. How many frogs legs must you eat to sustain yourself whilst lying in the mud? Quite a bit. And after awhile, they lose their deliciousness. Dying of starvation is one thing, eating the same thing everyday might be worse.

In addition to the frogs legs, some of my croaking, ugly, disgusting friends also sported the colourful back. Some had warts; I wouldn't be licking those, but the colour was appealing. My hallucinations from lack of nutrition were starting to ripen. To supplement them, and to go out with a bang, I did decide to indulge in frog-back psychedelics.

I'm not sure how long my trip lasted, but the effects were compounded in my starved blood. If you are a cell, and you have a choice between absorbing nothing or psychedelics, you will choose the psychedelics, because what kind of life is that, absorbing nothing. You might as well not exist at all.

And just like with some dreams, their vividness is so provocative, and reasonable, that the dreamer can't tell them from reality. At the time, seeing the enemy hop towards me in their giant plush green frogs suits didn't seem strange. They carried poisonous darts and cracking whips. I thought I saw one of them use his whip to catch a fly. Quite a whipsman. They didn't realize I had poisonous darts of my own, and that my aim was impeccable. I watched those plushy bastards hop around for days; whipping things, leapfrogging for their amusement, making exaggerated croaking sounds... like wolves, but frogs. One of them had very bad acne on his face. Another had blue paint on his face, like in Braveheart. I wouldn't be licking his face, not in the mud like that, not while being hunted, possibly for my flesh. I forgot why I was there.

The Advanced Equipped Frog and Lizard Sanctuary Engineers and Pilots or AEFLSEP, as they like to be called, found me with squiggly eyes, covered in fornicating frogs, and disheveled hair. If it wasn't for my Pine Tree shaped hairdo, I'd be a rotting corpse in the mud, or worse: eating the same thing everyday.

Everyone in the rescue recieved a medal, except for me. I pointed out that if it wasn't for me no one would have got medals. Captain Drango politely asked me to leave the party, and closed the door forcefully behind me. I don't think AEFLSEP was recognized in the larger canon of Frog and Lizard Sanctuary Engineers and Pilots for their lack of administrative capacities. All they want to do is rescue people and give themselves medals, without doing any paper work. I've begun to suspect that it was them who sabotaged my helicopter while flying over the Sanctuary. The airspace over it is like the Bermuda Triangle.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

i love it here....have i mentioned that? frogs.