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Defending my Thesis: Paul Revere

Dialogue between Me and an External Advisor.  Studio Advisor is also present.  A piano player plays jingles in the corner.  There is an audience consisting mainly of derelicts.  Mike D. and MCA are also in the audience.  Mike D. has a jammy.

Me: So, the melted sand turns into glass and is used in compression to make this architecture.

External Advisor: The forms you make, they are completely random.  That's how Gaudi almost went out of business.  He couldn't make instructions to his mind, so no one knew how to build what he was talking about.  Here's what you do, you take the natural repose of sand and make your forms that way.  Now you can make your instructions because it's geometry and universal.  Anyone can go out to the beach and do it now.

J: The forms are based off my earlier work, see.  Also, they aren't random.  They all have to be connected at the bottom and the top to protect themselves against the hurricane.  They all have to work in compression.

EA: So why don't you make squiggly line walls?  Or tunnels?  You could make anything.

J: No, there are constraints in how tall I can make these.  And how the machine moves to make them.  And there is the constraint of the beach width.

EA: Why don't you make pumpkin forms?  Those are compressive.

J: Maybe I will.

EA: Another thing, what you're doing is impossible.  The glass you make will be so brittle, it will not be able to stop the slightest breeze, let alone hurricane winds.  A child will be able to kick one of your forms, and everything will shatter.

J: No, the glass will be strengthened with lime.  There will be brass in between layers.  Through working and experimentation, I'll find a perfect glass recipe, and my glass forms will be able to soar way into the sky, and give the finger to hurricanes.  My glass forms, with their solid foundation, and nurturing enclaves, will provide wayward vagrants protection from the hurricane.

EA: O yeah, that sounds like a good idea, hide in an explosive glass column during a hurricane.  (Abbreviated clap.)  Another thing, you're putting brass in your glass?  Have you thought of adding grass to your glass?

J: Maybe I have.

EA: What are you a little lass?  Another thing, this isn't architecture.  And I wouldn't even call it art.  You know what I'd call it?  Slops.

J: You must know all about slops from eating your wife's cooking after all these years.  This is architecture because it separates inside and outside.  Inside!  Outside!  Inside!  Outside!!  Also, it has a foundation, and it uses a material commonly found in architectures.  It's not made of air.

EA: Why didn't you use spaghetti to build your model?  Or hotdogs?  Or airplanes?

J: Because that would be totally insane.  Sugar is the best analog for sand.


J: Unicorns don't exist.

EA: And neither does your architecture.

J: Here is my architecture!! (Starts licking model.)   See!!!

Studio Advisor: Hold on everybody!  This is getting out of hand!

(Mike D. stands up, pulls out his jammy and aims it at the sky)

 Mike D:  Stick em up.  (Let's two fly.)  I'm Mike D and I get respect, your cash and your jewelry is what I expect.

(MCA is with it and he's Mike D's ace So Mike D grabs the piano player and punches him in the face. The piano player's out, the music stops. Mike D grabs the money, MCA snatches the gold Jorg grabs two girlies and a beer that's cold)


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