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When my mom got angry, instead of smoking, she went to her purse and got some Nicorettes.  Sometimes one piece of nicorette wasn't enough, so she took another.  Sometimes her anger would turn to rage, and she'd stuff as many pieces of nicorette into her mouth as she could, and she'd stand there chewing heavily so that whatever was in them would get into her blood stream.

If she had any sense about her, she'd just have a smoke, but she didn't like the smell and all those additives.  She just likes the nicotine, thank-you very much.  Unfortunately, as per Nicorettes plan, chewing gum isn't as fast  a fix as smoking.  So mom's rage wouldn't be abated for quite a while, and she'd look like a pissed off cow-lady standing there with her arms folded and mawing a giant cud of Nicorette with rage and scowling flowing alternatively through her eyes.  Us kids could not help but laugh at that sight, which did nothing to control mom's ever increasing rage. 

Then she'd eat too many of them and would have to go and pass out on the couch, but not before gagging, which sent the pink gum flopping out her mouth like some horror show blob, it hitting the floor with wet blob sounds.  That would send us kids shivering, and giving us nightmares for weeks.  Consequently, as soon as we'd stop having the nightmares, somehow we'd spark in her the rage, and the whole process would begin again.  I guess it was an effective means of discipline that pink-blob-floppy-smacking-sounds gum slithering to my bed at night and shouting profanities and trying to suffocate me.


Unknown said...

As a non smoker, this idea has a sense of twisted appeal.

sybil law said...

So did it keep you in line?!

John Dantzer said...

Annabelle - I think you'd do good at it.
sybil - Kindof.

Mark said...

That is oddly scary. And hilarious.