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At The Disco

I'm going to the disco today. I'm bringing my rainbow socks, and alligator underwear. I've shaved my nose hair, I don't know how the ladies will refuse. I'll light my shoes on fire, and after I've danced that flame out, I will light my hair on fire, and pretend to be an amazing torch. I'll be all charred up and singed, but that won't stop me from having some ice cold water, and then lighting my cape on fire.

For those brief instances, whilst aflame, I will be Fire Man, and one of my dreams will be fulfilled. Dying will be a little easier after that, because if anyone asks, at least I can tell them I've lit myself on fire.

Then it will be time for more dancing, and to showcase my speciality: the pointy finger dance. I don't know what I'm pointing at, but goddamn, whatever it is, it knows. It knows the experience of being pointed out, and with such rhythm.

My feet, my patent leather booted feet, are quite the attraction themselves. Tappity tap, bitches, tappity mf tap. One minute I'm here, the next I'm waaaaaaaaaaayyy over there, much like lighting, or a forest fire, yeah. Soon everyone will be on fire. The fire will reflect in our eyes and cause our skin to gleam. Dragons will clink glasses in the rafters. Lizards will walk on the windows. A snake will slide up my pants and try killing me, but instead of him strangling me, I will use him as a dance prop: the whip. Snakes are no match for being grabbed by the tail and hammered against the ground, ha ha!

The climax of the evening will come when I'm spinning on my head. I'll use my legs and the splaying of them to gather momentum, allowing me to experience centrifugal force. "Centrifugal force", they'll say, "In his brain."

The denouement will arrive with the lobsters let loose and their anger, and snapping claws, and poop eating. All the ladies will cry "Lobsters!" and scream and get to running, and the men will do likewise, but they will want to forget that. The lobsters eyes will shine black, their smiles will be cruel. Some of the party-goers will not make it out alive. The dragons will blow out the candles, and the lizards will head back to Australia. I'll walk home with my heart keeping time to my walk, and the swaying of my arms and pelvis. The entire world will follow suit. The moon will broadcast my name.

8 comments:

JMH said...

I'd like to see a crayon drawing of this, although it might look the same as a page colored in by brown crayon.

JMH said...

That is to say that all of the shape shifting and color will combine into brown. Brown is such a dicey color to describe with because of the strong association with, you know, poo, but brown is the sum of the crayon colors.

John Dantzer said...

O.k, I'll try drawing one. I'd like to. At first I thought you meant it would be some kind of poo disco, and I was quite offended. We're not monkeys, JMH.

Nigel Tewksbury said...

Nothing like a mad night at the disco. Every time I go, I think, My God, this is how I want to live! But the next day I feel like shit.

John Dantzer said...

I'd also like to live disco, but my disco would probably wind up in jail.

JMH said...

Oh, but we are monkeys. Extremely sophisticated monkeys, but monkeys nonetheless. I'm okay with that. I need to believe that on some level.

Lunarchick said...

"The moon will broadcast my name." Is the most lovely and perfect sentence I have read in a long time. Excellent.

Oh and your pointy finger dance has nothing on my head nod dance. But now that I think about it they would go TOGETHER perfectly, reaching the pinnacle of awesome perfection.

PS - My word verification word down there is "arseriol". I laughed.

John Dantzer said...

The Head Nod dance is a true gem. If The Pointy Finger Dance was paired up with it, I think it would be best danced sitting down.

Word verification can be so clever sometimes.